Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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