if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
