I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
