Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
