haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
