I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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