Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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