i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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