We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
