I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
