I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
