I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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