Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
