You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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