Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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