escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize