i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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