need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she looked like the before picture.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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