I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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