you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
