I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
two words: eviction party
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
