I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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