your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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