i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
