she looked like the bat from fern gully.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
