you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
