The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
