So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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