I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
