I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
