the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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