The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
