I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
