Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
