You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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