quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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