U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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