But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
