I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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