i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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