Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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