you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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