1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
