im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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