I want to make a zoo with you.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize