Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
