If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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