I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
