So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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