So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
