I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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