just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
