My nipple is on Facebook.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Someone came in the potted fern
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
