idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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