I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
