I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
