OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
