You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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