I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize