Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
