this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
