he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
