she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
