my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
