This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
