My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize