i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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